Fire with Ice
Originally I had decide to write my thoughts on this blog. I have been doing it too. But recently I got into this very formal setting a bit more then I can ever comprehend. I came here to improve my writing skills and work on my style. To learn and grow and everything good.
This wish of everything good maybe that was the problem. I forgot an essential part of good, the bad. I haven’t been able to even think let alone write. I probably am not even feeling the thoughts that I’m thinking while I write this.
Well then why am I writing this ? Because this here, this blog is where I think out loud, where I feel everything openly. Where I speak without fear and where I breath without constraints. So, in the middle of the night laying on my bed in a room shared by three strangers who are slowly trying to become friends I am here trying to figure out what happened.
A lot have happened and nothing. I am alive as I have been for my own personal forever and more or less it’s true for all the others. The light is pouring in from the windows and the curtains dance on the music created by the ceiling fan. The smoke alarm keeps on sparkling.
I am half covered in my blanket and half of me is enjoying the caresses of the puffs flowing in the room due to fans. It’s first of November but it doesn’t feel like it. It’s not cold here, reminding me it’s not home. HOME
Such a wild concept home. What is a home? Is home a what or who ? I have so many homes my family, friends that one bear hug, that warm cup of milk, that special Maggie but then I’m a homeless all the time. People like river keep flowing and though they remain around you that section of water which you poured yourself into merges into the sea. The warm milk gets cold, the hug becomes choking. And suddenly you are on a hilltop ridden of all shelter covered in snow. And even your tears are ice.
Maybe you are thinking you should have chosen fire instead of ice and you stop feeling yourself and the surrounding. What absurd idea is it of crying out ice and still being under a blanket while the fan is on. Sometimes there’s just no way you have to have both, you want to burn yourself in fire covered in ice and you wish to be frozen dead while being roasted in the fire pit.
But is it possible to not choose one but both? There’s no end of wishes not even when the wish is to reach an end.
