You might be thinking, what bizarre question is this? But ever felt that little pit growing in your stomach? Or that bubble just around the throat? Those times when we can physically feel our emotions! So maybe we are developing as oysters by covering up emotions. And these piled up emotions and traumas hurt us. Same as a pearl does to oysters. So are you an oyster?
Oysters are well known as both delicacy and as the mother of all pearls. We all have seen and some may have worn pearls. White shiny sphere radiating positivity or so people say. But, do we know how they are formed? Why are there chances that you might be an oyster? Is there a pearl inside you too? What can you do with the pearl inside you ?
Ever wondered how pearls are formed ?
A pearl is a reaction to an irritant within a mollusk (phylum in animal kingdom). Pearls are formed when the mollusk secretes thousands of very thin concentric layers of nacre, a secretion of calcium carbonate (aragonite and conchyolin) in a matrix that eventually coats an irritant, either man made or natural.
To put it in simple words, mollusk / oyster form pearl in order to save themselves from an irritant. They keep covering the particles which enter their body with calcium. Though, eventually those layers and layers of calcium carbonate grow too big. Big enough to be the reason for the oysters demise.
How is this relevant to us ?
This is relevant because we too keep repeating the calcification process like the oysters. We keep covering and layering our thoughts, emotions, memories and trauma. Trying to keep them at bay. Working hard to hide them from not only people around us but from ourselves. Unaware how harmful these dormant memories, these layered emotions can be!
Do you have a pearl too ?
Do you too have a pearl growing in you, is something we must know. In this fast paced world the only way to keep up is to put it in the bag. In a world which believes in 'fake it until you make it'. Our true selves are easily missed by ourselves. There is no time either to smile or to cry. Even emotions have become instant noodles. Emotional numbness is a normal thing now.
The times people used to feel each other are long lost. Now we suffer to even experience our own selves. This leads to frustration and anger. Though we remain unaware of it. Soon, little things start affecting us much more than they should. These little things do so by acting as triggers. The reaction we have is not of the current situation but to a past accident. That past accident is our irritant covered in many layers of emotions and thoughts.
What is a trigger ?
A trigger can be anything from a word, place, event or a thing. A person who lost a dear one, years ago in an ambulance may still be startled by the sirens. The sirens here induce the same pain and fear they might have experienced years ago. Or a friend leaving the state or just switching schools may feel like being abandoned to another. It may be because of some childhood memories.These triggers are based on the traumas one might have had. It’s possible that the responder might not even know the cause of these responses themselves. Gabor Mate explains this in his book 'The myth of Normal trauma illness and healing in a toxic culture.'
What is trauma?
Mark Epstein an American author and psychotherapist in his book The Trauma of Everyday Life said “It is hard to imagine the scope of an individual life without envisioning some kind of trauma, and it is hard for most people to know what to do about it.”
Gabor explains the word, “trauma” as an inner injury, a lasting rupture or split within the self due to difficult or hurtful events. He further adds that trauma is not what happens with you but what happens inside you.
A small joke played on someone can become one long scary hurtful life for them. Or as Noh Eunbi from Tomorrow web series said -”It might have been just a moment for you, but for me, it’s been a lifetime. The Trauma.”
To put simply it’s the shredded emotions left way past the occurrence of the incident. A person caught up in a bike accident sustained injuries. Now the accident isn’t the injury but the damage to one's self is. Now, after a full physical injury the person still might be afraid to ride a bike or of traffic or other things which led to the accident. That residual feeling is trauma. Trauma is a psychic injury lodged in our nervous system and is triggerable at any moment.
You might remember the Reflex action exercises taught in school. Reflex actions are sudden involuntary responses which do not involve thinking. For example, when we touch a hot object, we withdraw our hand immediately without thinking. The same goes for trauma. A person acting outrageously to something simple isn’t doing it thoughtfully but it’s just the reflex action due to a past experience. These reflexes may include detachment, avoiding certain things , anger or panic attacks.
Coming back to the oyster and pearls!
We all have experienced some kind of trauma in one way or another due to an incident or accident. Unaware of it ourselves . What makes it even more difficult to subdue is the layers we create around the trauma. We think the layers are protecting us but rather they add on to the girth of trauma even further. At the same time each layer we put on to cover up the trauma, we put a layer between us and our present experiences.
What to do to not end up like an oyster ?
These layers keep us from being ourselves. They become a wall between us and our happiness. They may seem comforting but it just makes us more miserable. Leading us back to where we were no matter how hard we try. It’s as if we are captured in a bubble unable to leave.
The important thing to do is to remove these layers one by one. To unpeel ourselves from our own barriers and try to get to the core of these hardships.
Maybe we can’t help ourselves. We can’t see our bubble. Still, we can help someone else. We can still ask for help. Both these things are important and necessary. If you are able to listen to those asking for help, Help. If you need ask for help, Ask.
Trauma can turn someone’s whole life into a waking nightmare but a little support is all that is needed to wake up. The basic instinct in us is of survival. But sometimes the torment of trauma can grow much bigger than ourselves. Just as a pearl breaks the shell of an oyster it can break us. Leading to the disastrous step some take. But as Koo Ryeon from Tomorrow web series said - “ It is the final cry for help from those who wish to live more than anyone else.”
So reach out to your closed ones if you feel they need support, don’t shy away, don't turn your eyes. And reach out to people around you if you need help because they need you. We are all pieces of one astronomically gargantuan puzzle and our actions shape how the complete picture will turn out.
If you want to cry, cry. If you want to laugh, do that. See a flower, close your eyes and smell it. Feel the smile on your lips and let it warm your heart. Let the tears roll down your cheeks, maybe it’s just the ice melting. Slow down a little bit for yourself. Slowdown to let you catch up to yourself. And once you are with you. Yes, chances are that the pit will never leave but at least you know it’s there. That awareness won’t let it grow or may even become smaller with time. Be there for yourself. Look in the mirror, that one person you see depends on you.
Once you start believing in the person in the mirror. Once, you give a hand to pull yourself back. Start accepting help or ask someone to help you. Then you can look out and notice the world is your oyster.
